Validation for men and women

I ran across this site this morning and found myself cringing just a bit... I have learned something about myself in the last two years. I learned that I have lived my life, prior to 2005, looking for validation just as described here for women. That's just one of the things I learned about myself, it's a trait that I don't find healthy for anyone at all, women or men. Validation should come from within, THAT is what I have been learning to do in the last two years.

Question here is:
Do you agree with these comments?

Men

A man wants something from a woman to reassure him that he is an all right guy, that he is an okay person, and that he is worth something. In short, what a man really wants is acceptance. He wants this validation from a HOT woman, or what is known as a woman in demand. Not a just any "plain Jane".

Women

Women want to feel wanted by a man
In a woman's' case she wants to know that men still desire her and that she is sexy. Women crave this kind of attention. But she wants this attention only from what she sees as a "real man" and not an everyday-boring guy.
But most men and women never seem to feel validated for very long and the cycle repeats itself in an endless search. I believe that when men and women cheat they are often seeking the validation denied them by their partners.

more here

I'm plagarizing today...

Work has been a living hell this week... I've been working late hours, leaving the apt at 6 am and getting home at or about 9 pm, so I haven't had much time to post blogs other than "quick stuff"... so, here is something to read and think about. (I hope to have a blog put together from an experience last night...meanwhile...)

HT to Suzanne for this great blog... and poll... definitely a must read for anyone that is in a relationship, marriage or looking to get in to a serious one, keeping one or leaving one. LOL!!!

I have to agree and say that I do enjoy the text messages I receive, or that random quick email during our busy and hectic days... I always have a grand smile when I get a new nickname applied to me as well... (hence
Sugar Cat", "Mexpsychan", "Doodlebug"... heh! )

Little Things

Over the past month I’ve read a huge number of blogs about relationships gone wrong. Some written by women telling the world all about the wrong horrible things men do and how dumb they are. Others written by men accusing women of being needy high maintenance airheads. A couple of the blogs just expressed confusion about the whole thing.

I thought I’d take a different approach. Instead of sitting here telling you all of the things that have gone wrong in my past relationships and beating up on men – and myself – I took a little poll. A few weeks ago I e-mailed 15 men and 15 women. All random. None of the people are on my friends list or subscribe to my blog. I did my best to be sure they didn’t appear on friends lists of those of you who drop by my page on a regular basis. I used the search function on myspace and called up for people who fell in the 25 – 45 age range. I included all sexual orientations, race, etc. I was pretty surprised to get responses...

Astronaut arrested in bizarre love triangle

06:58 AM CST on Tuesday, February 6, 2007

ORLANDO, Fla. -- An astronaut drove from Houston to Florida, donned a disguise and confronted a woman she believed was romantically involved with a space shuttle pilot she was in love with, police said. She was charged with attempted kidnapping and other counts.

U.S. Navy Capt. Lisa Nowak, 43, who flew last July on a shuttle mission to the international space station, was also charged with attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. She was denied bail and is expected in court Tuesday morning.





When she found out that Shipman was flying to Orlando from Houston, Nowak decided to confront her, according to the arrest affidavit. Nowak drove the 900-mile trip from Houston to Orlando wearing diapers, police said.
Astronauts wear diapers during launch and re-entry.

Dressed in a wig and a trench coat, Nowak boarded an airport bus that Shipman took to her car in an airport parking lot. Shipman told police she noticed someone following her, hurried inside the car and locked the doors, according to the arrest affidavit.


More here

11 News reports: Alex Sanz, Carolyn Campbell

Love Triangles -

"Deception always leaves one spouse either deeply hurt, or totally unaware."

The term "love triangle" almost always implies that the arrangement is unsuitable to one or more of the people involved.

Though rare, love triangles have been known to lead to murder or suicide committed by the rejected lover in real life.

Someone's bound to get hurt... in most cases, such as this one, there are children and spouses involved. These days, most love triangles do lead to murder. Look at Clara, David Harris and Gail Bridges. I'm sure there are more to be listed here, that's just the first one to come to mind, only because David Harris was my childrens orthodontist and it all went down here in my neighborhood.

Mary Jo , Joey Buttafuoco & Amy Fisher

Brad, Jennifer & Angelina

January 2007
Infidelity Rates Rises Again
Infidelity rates seem to have climbed for the 12th
consecutive year, according to the American Society for Cultural Information.

American marriage seems to be ever becoming a dark and hurtful place. People who love each other enough to pledge eternal commitment and live under the same roof are deliberately deceiving each other more often with each passing year.

"For sure technology has contributed to infidelity," says Schwartz. "The fact that with cars and planes you can be in another city, there are cell phones as opposed to work and home phones, and with the Internet you can find people without moving out — it creates an environment where extramarital affairs are possible."

By all accounts, experts say the infidelity rate is higher among couples dating and living together — including those in long-term relationships — than among married couples. But even if technology has made cheating easy, some experts say there is little evidence of a rise in serial cheats, although there are numerous signs that serial monogamy is on the rise.

Healthy and Unhealthy Submission Characteristics

The following information is directed to women, but it’s good enlightenment for some men. Don’t want to piss off some of the men out there, by saying that “you” fall in the unhealthy categories, but I can speak from personal knowledge, that there are men such as mentioned in some of the unhealthy characteristics.

Here are some suggestions as listed in the book for healthy submission and a few characteristics of unhealthy submission.

Unhealthy Physical Submission

• Your male partner dictates to you how you will dress, wear your hair, what perfume you will wear, and whether or not you will wear makeup and how much you will wear.


• He’s never happy with your body


• He physically abuses you. In turn, you cower and “submit,” but deep inside, you resent him. (This is not biblical submission. This is being intimidated and abused. Healthy submission cannot be forced. It is an act of the will and is freely given without resentment. That’s why healthy submission is so appealing and beautiful.)

Healthy Emotional Submission

• Readily and freely express your love to your husband/mate.


• Tell him he’s the only man for you.


• Share your disappointments and triumphs, your laughter and tears.

Unhealthy Emotional Submission

• You put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine in your relationship when it isn’t. (This is not healthy submission; it is living a lie.)


• You are afraid to tell your husband/mate how you really feel because you equate submission with going along with everything he says. (Please realize that you can maintain a godly, submissive spirit even when detailing negative emotions. Hiding emotions is not healthy submission; it is a manifestation of fear and only makes a problem worse.)


• If your husband/mate emotionally abuses you, you never confront him or ask him to stop.

Healthy Mental Submission

• When you think of your husband/mate, center your thoughts on how you can make his life better.


• When tempted to look at other men, don’t take the second look. Be loyal to your husband/mate.


• When you see your husband/mate’s faults, choose to focus on his positive traits. If the faults must be addressed, do so lovingly and with respect.


• Make a mental note to daily praise your husband/mate.

Unhealthy Mental Submission

• Your husband/mate has convinced you that if you have any thoughts of your own you are not a godly wife.


• You are condemned for wanting any kind of fulfillment – except in relation to him.


• He has so intimidated you that you are afraid he can read your mind. (This is not healthy submission; this is mind control and mental torment.)

Healthy Romantic Submission

• View yourself as your husband’s own personal flirt.


• Extend as much energy into the romance of your marriage/relationship as you would your favorite hobby. Or make romancing your husband/husband/mate your favorite hobby. (This to me sounds to be a good hobby! Romance = Sex lol… leave it to me!)

Unhealthy Romantic Submission

• Your husband/mate belittles most of what you do, including your attempts at romance, so you work yourself overtime trying to please him. Nothing ever does. (This is not healthy submission; this is a cycle of codependency and perfectionism.)

Healthy Sexual Submission

• You try to meet your husband’s/mate’s sexual needs


• You learn what he enjoys in bed and repeat it often.


• You don’t always wait for him to be the initiator.


• You don’t entertain sexual fantasies about other men.

Unhealthy Spiritual Submission

• Your husband/mate forces you to have sex with him.


• You are repeatedly asked to perform sexually for your husband’s pleasure, and he is oblivious to your enjoyment of your emotional needs.


• Your husband/husband/mate includes violence as part of sexuality.


• Your husband pressures you to perform sexually in ways you’re not comfortable with.

We must grow in love and to do this
we must go on loving and loving and giving
and giving until it hurts – the way Jesus did.
Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.”
Mother Teresa, 1999

~~~~

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

The Specifics of Submission

In browsing through a particular book I picked up at the store yesterday, there was a chapter in the book that caught my attention (my reason for buying it)… some people will understand the thought behind it and some will raise an eyebrow. Never the less, I found it very interesting that submission is an important factor in any relationship, especially as stated throughout the bible. After all the New Testament does tell wives to submit to their husbands. But on a deeper level, this one-sided view will sap the life out of any marriage and or relationship and leave no room for healthy sexuality or even a hint of honest romance. Problems come about on this subject when the key verses on submission are pulled out of context and not viewed in light of all the Scriptures on marriage and relationships. Too many times this method has been used to justify demeaning, dominating, and deprecating women.

One of the most powerful acts we can accomplish in a relationship is submission. This is not an act of weakness – it is an act of strength that will revolutionize a relationship. Submission offers the male the security they need to completely release their hearts to their female partner. Few men love with abandon until they know their partner is loyal. Submission speaks loyalty to a man. Loyalty and respect. Respect and honor. When they see submission in action, many Christian men will want to server their partner.

Once you experience the heightened romance it releases into your relationship, you’ll be looking for ways to demonstrate submission.

In His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley Jr., he states that while a woman’s first need in a marriage/relationship is for affection, a man’s first need is for sexual fulfillment. Other research states that both the man’s and woman’s first need is for unconditional love, and their second needs are sexual for men, and emotional intimacy and communication for women. Both findings prove that while women’s top needs are emotional/relational, our mates top needs are physical/sexual. It is also stated by Harley that “when it comes to sex and affection, you can’t have one without the other” and the typical female doesn’t understand her mate’s deep need for sex any more than the typical male understands his mates deep need for affection.

Bottom line? Men need sex…and women need affection, relationship, romance. We (as women) need to be adored, told we are beautiful, and shown open affection. We need candlelight dinners, clandestine getaways, and heartfelt conversation. Women enjoy romance.

When it comes to sex, submission is electric. When it comes to romance, submission is magic. Submission is unconditional love in action. A woman who experiences this kind of love for her mate is eager to meet his needs. Most men who see their wives/mates striving to meet their needs and pouring energy into the romance of a relationship will respond by extending their hearts and enveloping their mates in love and submission to their needs.
More to come? Most likely…