AWAKENING Repost from an old archive of mine

AWAKENING – Repost from 360

This is a favorite of mine and a reminder for myself as to who I am and what I am working towards in my new life…

Upon browsing the net... I came across this poem that seems to scream quite a bit of what my life has been in the last 9 months... I felt compelled to just share it with those around me as I know for a fact that I'm not alone in this world and that we all have our own stories...
These thoughts are lengthy, but very well worth the reading. I assure you! At the end of it all, I will direct you to the website, but for now, I'll relay the message in spurts... so much of Victorya Casanova's words have already been experienced by me, so much that I sat here and nodded and smiled. Yet, many of her thoughts and words are still to be experienced and learned and my arms are wide open to my full AWAKENING! I think I'm more than half way there...
An AWAKENING is not a short synopsis of sorts. It is something very real and well worth the fight, the struggle, the tears and even pain!
Because at the end, you'll find yourself in a peaceful place...

AWAKENING
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when,
in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead
in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...
ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then like a child quieting down after a tantrum you blink
back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your AWAKENING.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something
to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically
appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale
endings and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin
with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...
and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in
the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

more to come....

AWAKENING IV

I've had my fun these last few days, so here I am posting the last part to my repost of The Awakening... You'll have to follow it all together at one time, but again...it is worth every minute.

AWAKENING IV (last)

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that

sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people...

...and you learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault.

It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to
build bridges instead of walls.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you

begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.


~ Victorya Casanova ~
THE AWAKENING


My sincere and deepest love to everyone going through their own AWAKENING...

AWAKENING III

AWAKENING III
As I mentioned, this is lengthy, but very well worth it...

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world
and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is
the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

You learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are
and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish
between guilt and responsiblity and the importance of setting boundaries and...
learning to say NO. (Tuff enough...)

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things
over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple.
You begin to care for it and treat it with respect.
You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water,
and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear and uncertainty...
so you take more time to rest. And just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul.
So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve
and that much of life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for
something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction,
discipline and perserverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone,
and that's OKAY to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself...You learn to step right into and
through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to
give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

yes... more to come.... one last part.

AWAKENING II

AWAKENING II

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did
to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can
really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what
they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that
everything isn't always about you.

So you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and
in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as
they are and to overlook their short-comings and human frailties...and in
the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for...

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to
discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you
stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated
ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the
foundation upon which you must build a life.

still more to come...

Happy Birthday To Myself...

So here I am, looking at another year closer to the big 50!! Ok, ok... so I'm three years away from it, but still, none-the-less... It's around the corner! We all know how the days and months and years go by... FAST! Tomorrow is my bday... yes... another year gone by and another year ahead... how old, it's a number people... a number that I don't act like, or feel like. The saying is true! You're only as old as you feel! I DON'T FEEL 47!!! I especially DON'T ACT 47!!! :)

40+ Years ago...

(heh... look at those innocent eyes! Now how can anyone resist that precious innocense?)

So, I am figuring that I'm definitely NOT getting younger!! That only leaves me to think of where I am headed with my life, how I live it, or more like, how I CHOOSE to live it. Well... I choose NOT to live sitting in front of the tv, or in front of my computer, or just going day by day as if this is ALL there is to life. I choose to Live Life to the Fullest! I choose not to live my life walking on egg shells! I choose to live life, loving my children unconditionally! I choose to live life praising God for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me. For all the broken roads that have led me to where I am today. I choose to smile when I don't feel it inside!

There is more to it all! There's more to life than just the day in and day out routine, wake up go to work, come home, do the daily chores around the house, watch a bit of tv or surf the net, go to bed and start all over again. Nah.... There's more to it and I choose to live different.

I no longer wish to live my week-ends going to the clubs, parting, drinking, and all that comes with the scene any more. It is still unbelievable, that I was living that way exactly three years ago. 2005 was the year of my awakening.... No More! I wanted real control of my life.

I'm not one to judge anyone that lives their lives that way, I was there once, I have no room to judge. It's just not for me anymore. I want more out of life... I want to know that I make a difference in someones life.

My last post, shows the most recent pictures of me... I've been through quite alot in my years, and I love where I'm going now. I still struggle, but who doesn't? I'm not perfect, but... then again, Who Is? I just want to be a better woman, a good mother, a good citizen when it comes time for me to meet the Man above. I want to be able to be a good example for my children, I know I haven't always been, but I'm determined to change that. I'm determined to be there for them, every single time they need me. Without any worry or concern of anyone else's opinions of how I love my children.

I don't blog much these days... but as I mentioned in my last blog, the time isn't there. I'm not always doing things, I take time to enjoy a quiet moment, sitting outside with Useless, Wally and Miss Bear (the cats and the dog). Enjoying the gorgeous scenery out here in Zimbabwee. Watch a movie, make all attempts to finish painting the dining room (darn... that's taking more time than it should... lol). Planning a garden outside. There's much to do in what time I have left in my life, I don't know how much that may be, only God knows... But I won't sit back and watch it stroll by right in front of my eyes. In fact, we went to the gun range today... take a look:

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=6ae_1208099074
(Video)

I love my new Smith & Wesson Chief's Special!!!

Thank you PC

We had a wonderful evening tonight, dinner at a new restaurant;
Onion Creek Coffee House, Bar & Lounge. Afterwards, we went down to the Museum District and drove around the area, walked out to watch a children's Peter Pan Play and walked around the museum grounds. Then for some coffee at Diedrichs on Montrose, then driving around West University. Tomorrow we are going Kayaking(I'll get some pictures posted)... I love it!

I mentioned before how I am going to the gym now, something that I never was disciplined enough to do. I eat healthier now, ok, so I have my downfall days, but I start all over the next meal. The gym is the big accomplishment... I had posted my workout that was laid out for me, that's changed again. I can now say, very proudly, that I am most definitely on a BIG GIRLS workout!

I hope that my children, ALL three, can learn from my life and their fathers, and from those around them and live life to the fullest! I pray that they CHOOSE to make a difference, a Positive difference in this world, especially theirs!

I look forward to another year, God willing...