Healthy and Unhealthy Submission Characteristics

The following information is directed to women, but it’s good enlightenment for some men. Don’t want to piss off some of the men out there, by saying that “you” fall in the unhealthy categories, but I can speak from personal knowledge, that there are men such as mentioned in some of the unhealthy characteristics.

Here are some suggestions as listed in the book for healthy submission and a few characteristics of unhealthy submission.

Unhealthy Physical Submission

• Your male partner dictates to you how you will dress, wear your hair, what perfume you will wear, and whether or not you will wear makeup and how much you will wear.


• He’s never happy with your body


• He physically abuses you. In turn, you cower and “submit,” but deep inside, you resent him. (This is not biblical submission. This is being intimidated and abused. Healthy submission cannot be forced. It is an act of the will and is freely given without resentment. That’s why healthy submission is so appealing and beautiful.)

Healthy Emotional Submission

• Readily and freely express your love to your husband/mate.


• Tell him he’s the only man for you.


• Share your disappointments and triumphs, your laughter and tears.

Unhealthy Emotional Submission

• You put on a happy face and pretend everything is fine in your relationship when it isn’t. (This is not healthy submission; it is living a lie.)


• You are afraid to tell your husband/mate how you really feel because you equate submission with going along with everything he says. (Please realize that you can maintain a godly, submissive spirit even when detailing negative emotions. Hiding emotions is not healthy submission; it is a manifestation of fear and only makes a problem worse.)


• If your husband/mate emotionally abuses you, you never confront him or ask him to stop.

Healthy Mental Submission

• When you think of your husband/mate, center your thoughts on how you can make his life better.


• When tempted to look at other men, don’t take the second look. Be loyal to your husband/mate.


• When you see your husband/mate’s faults, choose to focus on his positive traits. If the faults must be addressed, do so lovingly and with respect.


• Make a mental note to daily praise your husband/mate.

Unhealthy Mental Submission

• Your husband/mate has convinced you that if you have any thoughts of your own you are not a godly wife.


• You are condemned for wanting any kind of fulfillment – except in relation to him.


• He has so intimidated you that you are afraid he can read your mind. (This is not healthy submission; this is mind control and mental torment.)

Healthy Romantic Submission

• View yourself as your husband’s own personal flirt.


• Extend as much energy into the romance of your marriage/relationship as you would your favorite hobby. Or make romancing your husband/husband/mate your favorite hobby. (This to me sounds to be a good hobby! Romance = Sex lol… leave it to me!)

Unhealthy Romantic Submission

• Your husband/mate belittles most of what you do, including your attempts at romance, so you work yourself overtime trying to please him. Nothing ever does. (This is not healthy submission; this is a cycle of codependency and perfectionism.)

Healthy Sexual Submission

• You try to meet your husband’s/mate’s sexual needs


• You learn what he enjoys in bed and repeat it often.


• You don’t always wait for him to be the initiator.


• You don’t entertain sexual fantasies about other men.

Unhealthy Spiritual Submission

• Your husband/mate forces you to have sex with him.


• You are repeatedly asked to perform sexually for your husband’s pleasure, and he is oblivious to your enjoyment of your emotional needs.


• Your husband/husband/mate includes violence as part of sexuality.


• Your husband pressures you to perform sexually in ways you’re not comfortable with.

We must grow in love and to do this
we must go on loving and loving and giving
and giving until it hurts – the way Jesus did.
Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.”
Mother Teresa, 1999

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)