Something is stirring within

For quite some time now, something has been stirring within me... I haven't been able to place my finger on it. I haven't been able to distinguish if any of it is good or bad. I just know that something has to come from this, good or bad. I need to walk through these emotions with my eyes wide open and an open mind. Ready for a change of some form or fashion to who I am, or who I am supposed to be. There is much confusion within me, so much that I want to be, so much that I want to take me back to what I once was... very loving, caring, artistic woman, energetic, lively and yet... the stirring within me is pushing all of that away. It all seems unattainable right now, but I'm finding myself - trudging on for answers, for one answer even, just a glimpse of something that will make sense out of all of this. I find myself on a search... a search for knowledge, worldly knowledge to anything I can get my hands on. I have one problem with this "want to know" mission, you see, I've never been really good at retaining things that I read, experience or even past memories. I hope that I can make something of all of this in a good time frame... then again... it's all in Gods' hands isn't it. I have to be patient and just work with all of this day by day.