Continued Enlightenment

I went home to visit mom for her birthday and got a few pictures of where I grew up as a child, the house that was lost completely in the floods that over took El Paso and it has added to my whole process of looking for the meaning of “Who I am”.

Star Spangled Banner waving strong since the day that my Dad hung it up proudly! May you rest in peace dad, I love you!

As long as I can remember, I have always had a passion for art and anything that kept my mind busy; drawing, painting, sewing, crocheting, scrap booking, (really any type of craft) woodworking even. I remember since I was a little girl that I wanted to be an Art Teacher, the pay is low, but the rewards are awesome. To be able to touch the lives of young minds and help nurture them is just more than words can even begin to describe. I have never been an avid reader, but I do have a passion for books, self-help books, cookbooks, mysteries, true crimes, fantasy. It is very rare when I can pick up a book and not be able to put it down; I have only found a few select that have had that effect on me. I love to sit on the couch and snuggle under a blanket watching a good movie. I enjoy being around people. I’m not a loner, I’m far from it. Some would say that I love being right in the midst of things… I’ll admit, “I do”. I love to dance; I have a passion for dancing (I get that from my mom). I love all types of music. I have a passion for making the man in my life happy, but I expect the same in return. I love tattoos (I have two and am looking to get at least five more. No, nothing that would make me look like some CHOLA from the BARRIO!! All five will be as big as a quarter to a half dollar). I’m not very materialistic and I don’t have to be rich. I just want to go through life knowing that I can pay my bills and have enough to live on after that and have some money put away for emergencies. I want to be an independent woman, (that is my strongest desire right now in my life) but I want to know that I can count on a man to care for me and love me for me. I’m a very passionate woman, I love romance, I love the idea of being in love, true love and to have it appreciated and not taken for granted or abused or neglected. I believe in a woman being submissive to her spouse or respective partner. Submissive as described here within these pages. This is something that I am intrigued about; I don’t live out a darl fantasy life as others might… but I believe in it as long it’s healthy and with deepest respect as described so in the bible.

Water damages to the den, I remember the many days and nights of sitting with my mom and dad, watching novelas and Perry Mason and Wrestling with my dad (Lucha Libre) and so many more family shows.

I am a very open minded woman, I am not judgmental, I like to “Live and Let Live” as long as my personal freedom and that of my family and dear ones is not infringed and as long as I, my family or those dear to me are not hurt.

I’ve lived a full life and I’m ready to slow down and enjoy my life with that someone special that can appreciate all that I am, without putting any demands, requests or list things that are expected to be changed for their own liking and comfort. Someone that can love unconditionally just as I love. Someone that can accept my family and children as is. *I feel I found such a man, it’s been a trying road as the song goes: Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. It says everything that I feel deep within my heart.

A lot of what I just stated about myself was tarnished in my years from age 21 to 44, all because of someone else’s beliefs and need to control. I’m on a hunt to find me again these days. I feel like I was brainwashed as a cult would do. It’s been extremely hard to find me again, it’s a slow process… but here these last few days, I have had something triggered in me to be enlightened through maybe a book club that would fall in my interests, something, anything to send me in the right direction… I need some enlightenment. Not only am I looking for this side of me again, but to find why I have these interests in me, no-one in my family (immediate family) has shown interest in reading and art like I do or is as open minded.

I find that I am turning to God more and more for these answers. I am also looking deeper in to my family roots.

Water damages to the kitchen. I remember all the times as I sat next to Rosie (the maid) and watched and eagerly waited to help her make flour tortillas.

This isn't the best picture of mom, but if anyone knows mom, I had to force her out of bed to say goodbye before leaving for the airport at 10 am. She's a tough woman, and I admire for all that she is...

I love you Mom...

Many memories in this house, and now, it's been sold to the city, as of yesterday, after all the water damage that resulted from the floods.

I thank God every day for my continued enlightenment.

I’m looking to continue my adventure…