THIS TOO SHALL PASS
This blog started out on a different footing and ended up to be a way to express my deepest and heartfelt love and respect for a very dear friend that is struggling as I type this out.
We always have good intentions when we make attempts to help out very dear friends that are going through a hard time. Because we have either "been there, done that", or we are going through similar experiences, or have seen and lived life on a much more different level than they have. We seem to put ourselves in a position of that of a counselor, priest, pastor, father or mother. People that really have more background to know what might be best for that friend.
We tend to share our experiences and our advice and opinions that in our eyes, somehow got us through our own tribulations... When all in all, is there anything we can say to our dear friends that can and/or would make their problems resolve immediately or faster than the course of normal healing time? Is it better to just lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on?
Somehow I don't feel it's my place to say to a dear friend, "I think this is what you should do..." or "You shouldn't do this...". I can possibly share what I went through, and also share the things I attempted to do to get myself through the hard times... but the best thing here, (in my eyes) is to lend that ear or shoulder...
Well, my best friend (we'll just refer to her as "R") that I have known for 10 years +, was married for 16 years, she had the same dream any normal girl growing up has. Saving ourselves for the one man that comes riding in on that white horse and whisk us away to that little blue house with the picket fence and start that family that most of us dream to have. To live happily ever after, loving eachother, respecting each other, protecting the one you love, devoted to one another, growing old and watching your children grow up to have their own families.
Sixteen years and "five" kids later, "R's" dream came to an end, almost 2 years ago now. "R" found herself alone trying to raise five children from ages 1 to 16, because the father won't cooperate and follow texas laws, or child protective services recomendations, (but that's a totally different blog). She was devasted, crushed, angry, exhausted, battered, beaten, mentally, physically, and emotionally abused and drained. Struggling to find her place in this world without the man she thought was going to always love her and protect her and their children. I can not even come close to comprehending what it is like to be alone, a single mother with five children these days! I dont' know, because I haven't lived, nor walked a mile in her shoes.
She stayed in a bad marriage, thinking "things would change". She did the worst thing any woman could possibly do... bring more children in to this world with the thought of "If I have another baby, maybe we can work things out". She wasn't happy all that time, but typical "Mexican" up bringing, you stay in the marriage no matter what, even if you know the obvious! (I have my own personal thoughts on that thought process that was pushed on some of us "Mexican" women, but here is not the place for it. Just know that I broke that thought process in our family, and I left my family disappointed with my decision to leave a marriage... )
"R" knows now, she was wrong in her own thoughts of bringing more children in to the marriage, I've seen "R" at her very worst, she's hit rock bottom with some bad decisions on her part, and all I can do is lend that ear and that shoulder to lean on. But because I have lived through similar experiences (minus the severe mental, physical and emotional abuse), it is not my place to tell her how to get through these hard times. I was married for 20 years when my marriage ended, but it still doesn't give me the right to tell her how "I think" she should get through this.
What I can do is give her the most important advice that I can offer her and will continue to offer is that... "This too shall pass". "R" has come a long way and she still has many long miles to go before she really sees some peace within her and the children due to the abuse they experienced.
It leaves me with this prayer for "R"
We always have good intentions when we make attempts to help out very dear friends that are going through a hard time. Because we have either "been there, done that", or we are going through similar experiences, or have seen and lived life on a much more different level than they have. We seem to put ourselves in a position of that of a counselor, priest, pastor, father or mother. People that really have more background to know what might be best for that friend.
We tend to share our experiences and our advice and opinions that in our eyes, somehow got us through our own tribulations... When all in all, is there anything we can say to our dear friends that can and/or would make their problems resolve immediately or faster than the course of normal healing time? Is it better to just lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on?
Somehow I don't feel it's my place to say to a dear friend, "I think this is what you should do..." or "You shouldn't do this...". I can possibly share what I went through, and also share the things I attempted to do to get myself through the hard times... but the best thing here, (in my eyes) is to lend that ear or shoulder...
Well, my best friend (we'll just refer to her as "R") that I have known for 10 years +, was married for 16 years, she had the same dream any normal girl growing up has. Saving ourselves for the one man that comes riding in on that white horse and whisk us away to that little blue house with the picket fence and start that family that most of us dream to have. To live happily ever after, loving eachother, respecting each other, protecting the one you love, devoted to one another, growing old and watching your children grow up to have their own families.
Sixteen years and "five" kids later, "R's" dream came to an end, almost 2 years ago now. "R" found herself alone trying to raise five children from ages 1 to 16, because the father won't cooperate and follow texas laws, or child protective services recomendations, (but that's a totally different blog). She was devasted, crushed, angry, exhausted, battered, beaten, mentally, physically, and emotionally abused and drained. Struggling to find her place in this world without the man she thought was going to always love her and protect her and their children. I can not even come close to comprehending what it is like to be alone, a single mother with five children these days! I dont' know, because I haven't lived, nor walked a mile in her shoes.
She stayed in a bad marriage, thinking "things would change". She did the worst thing any woman could possibly do... bring more children in to this world with the thought of "If I have another baby, maybe we can work things out". She wasn't happy all that time, but typical "Mexican" up bringing, you stay in the marriage no matter what, even if you know the obvious! (I have my own personal thoughts on that thought process that was pushed on some of us "Mexican" women, but here is not the place for it. Just know that I broke that thought process in our family, and I left my family disappointed with my decision to leave a marriage... )
"R" knows now, she was wrong in her own thoughts of bringing more children in to the marriage, I've seen "R" at her very worst, she's hit rock bottom with some bad decisions on her part, and all I can do is lend that ear and that shoulder to lean on. But because I have lived through similar experiences (minus the severe mental, physical and emotional abuse), it is not my place to tell her how to get through these hard times. I was married for 20 years when my marriage ended, but it still doesn't give me the right to tell her how "I think" she should get through this.
What I can do is give her the most important advice that I can offer her and will continue to offer is that... "This too shall pass". "R" has come a long way and she still has many long miles to go before she really sees some peace within her and the children due to the abuse they experienced.
It leaves me with this prayer for "R"
I pray for beginnings.
New beginnings.
For "R" and her children.
I pray for a new start for them--
a clean, fresh piece of paper
on which to write life's next chapter.
I pray for springtime
to ease the winter sorrow in her heart.
I pray for wisdom so that she may cherish
these new beginnings.
God knows "R"s needs, and her childrens needs, she will never really be alone through this. Habitat For Humanity built her and the children a house, that my dear friends is God already giving her a new beginning. She moved in last month.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS...
THIS TOO SHALL PASS...
posted by a faith bigger than fear at Friday, June 09, 2006
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