Religious Humor - To lighten yesterdays blog
With the seriousness of my last posting, I figured I’d post a bit of religious humor…please don’t hold me responsible for bad jokes!
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: Although I recognize that religious humor can be risky and I am taking my life and feeding myself to the “dogs” so to say…keep one thing in mind – Remember my posting of living in harmony and peace!!!
A Fruitful Confession
Paddy goes to confessions and says to the priest, “Bless me father, for I have sinned. It’s been three weeks since my last confession, and in that time I have committed the sin of adultery.”
The priest says, “Was it with Brigitte O’Hara?”
Paddy says, “I’m sorry Father, but I can’t tell you who it was with.”
So the priest says, “I’ll bet it was with Mary O’Houlihan, the hussy!”
Paddy says, “I’m sorry Father, but I really can’t tell you who it was.”
The priest says, “Was it that Rose O’Connell?” And Paddy responds, “I’ve told you already Father, I can’t reveal who it was.”
So the priest says, “You’re a wicked man Paddy O’Reilly. Say six Hail Mary’s and don’t let me hear that you’ve transgressed again!”
As he is walking home, Paddy bumps into his friend Seamus, who says, “Paddy! How are you doin’?” Is it the Church you’ll be coming from?”
And Paddy says, “Aye Seamus, I’ve just been to confession.”
“How was it?”
Paddy says, “oh not too bad, I got six Hail Mary’s and three good leads!”
Recently sighted Bumper Stickers:
I considered atheism but there weren’t enough holidays.
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about?
The Lord giveth… the IRS taketh away.
Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
Eve Was Framed
I’m a Frisbeteerian. When I die my soul goes up to the roof and gets stuck there.
The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
Sorry I missed church; I was buys becoming a lesbian and practicing witchcraft.
“Dyslexic Satanists, Sell their souls to SANTA”
I Don’t Mind Straight People, So Long As They Act Gay in Public
Dress Temptation
Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. “How could you do this?!”
I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on,” she explained. “It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, “You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!”
“Well,” the pastor replied, “You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, “Get behind me, Satan!”
“I did,” replied his wife, “but then he said, “It looks fabulous from back here, too!”
Serving Two Masters
A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.
“Nothing easier,” Twain replied. “No man can serve two masters.”
You’ve all heard the last of me today… ;)
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: Although I recognize that religious humor can be risky and I am taking my life and feeding myself to the “dogs” so to say…keep one thing in mind – Remember my posting of living in harmony and peace!!!
A Fruitful Confession
Paddy goes to confessions and says to the priest, “Bless me father, for I have sinned. It’s been three weeks since my last confession, and in that time I have committed the sin of adultery.”
The priest says, “Was it with Brigitte O’Hara?”
Paddy says, “I’m sorry Father, but I can’t tell you who it was with.”
So the priest says, “I’ll bet it was with Mary O’Houlihan, the hussy!”
Paddy says, “I’m sorry Father, but I really can’t tell you who it was.”
The priest says, “Was it that Rose O’Connell?” And Paddy responds, “I’ve told you already Father, I can’t reveal who it was.”
So the priest says, “You’re a wicked man Paddy O’Reilly. Say six Hail Mary’s and don’t let me hear that you’ve transgressed again!”
As he is walking home, Paddy bumps into his friend Seamus, who says, “Paddy! How are you doin’?” Is it the Church you’ll be coming from?”
And Paddy says, “Aye Seamus, I’ve just been to confession.”
“How was it?”
Paddy says, “oh not too bad, I got six Hail Mary’s and three good leads!”
Recently sighted Bumper Stickers:
I considered atheism but there weren’t enough holidays.
What if the Hokey Pokey really is what it’s all about?
The Lord giveth… the IRS taketh away.
Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
Eve Was Framed
I’m a Frisbeteerian. When I die my soul goes up to the roof and gets stuck there.
The High Holidays have nothing to do with marijuana.
Sorry I missed church; I was buys becoming a lesbian and practicing witchcraft.
“Dyslexic Satanists, Sell their souls to SANTA”
I Don’t Mind Straight People, So Long As They Act Gay in Public
Dress Temptation
Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. “How could you do this?!”
I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on,” she explained. “It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, “You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!”
“Well,” the pastor replied, “You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, “Get behind me, Satan!”
“I did,” replied his wife, “but then he said, “It looks fabulous from back here, too!”
Serving Two Masters
A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy.
“Nothing easier,” Twain replied. “No man can serve two masters.”
posted by a faith bigger than fear at Wednesday, March 29, 2006
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